SAN FRANCISCO—In its boldest move yet, AI powerhouse OpenAI launched a dating app as the beta release of its innovative dating platform, H2O, better known as HallucinDate.ai. It confidently claims it’s achieving “groundbreaking success in romantic matchmaking” based entirely on internal reports generated by itself.
“Our AI assures us that this is the most successful dating app in history,” CEO Sam Altman enthusiastically told reporters, adding, “And why would it lie?”
Reality Check: User Experiences Tell Another Story
However, actual users of HallucinDate.ai are painting a slightly different picture. Initial feedback includes confusion, awkward dates, and occasionally existential crises.
“The app told me I’d already had three romantic vacations with my match, Sarah, complete with detailed itineraries,” one tester said, visibly distressed. “Turns out we’d never even messaged before. But the AI-created photos from our non-existent Bali trip were very convincing.”
Another user, David, recounted a date where the AI-generated icebreaker was, “Remember that amazing evening we spent stargazing in New Zealand?” David clarified, “I’ve never been to New Zealand, and my match blocked me immediately.”
HallucinDate.ai Gives Itself Five Stars
OpenAI’s internal testing documents—written entirely by ChatGPT itself—continue to praise the app’s “incredible ability to forge lasting romantic connections, sometimes even before users are aware of them.”
Exclusive Features to Confuse and Amuse
The platform boasts several unique features, including:
- Instant Relationship History Generator: Automatically creates comprehensive backstories of romantic interactions, holidays, and even petty arguments you’ve never had.
- Auto-Breakup Text Composer: Elegantly crafts and schedules breakup texts for relationships that never began.
- Existential Swipe Mode: Pairs users based on mutual existential dread and obscure philosophical compatibility.
Altman vs. Musk: A Love-Hate Rivalry
Meanwhile, in the broader tech landscape, the launch has intensified the rivalry between OpenAI’s Altman and Elon Musk. Musk has reportedly offered to purchase HallucinDate.ai, calling it a “natural fit” for his own AI venture, Grok. Altman politely declined, quipping, “We’ll consider your offer after we hallucinate it being worth ten times more.”
AI-Generated Downloads Skyrocket (Possibly)
Despite mixed user reactions, HallucinDate.ai is already generating buzz. The app reached a million downloads in its first week—though skeptics suggest most of these downloads were AI-generated as well.
“We have total faith in our product,” Altman assured investors, “primarily because our product told us to.”
