Leavitt: ‘No classified info was shared. Just, like, vibes. Maybe a launch code or two.’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following explosive revelations that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth shared detailed military strike plans in a Signal group chat—alongside Vice President JD Vance, Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard, and National Security Adviser Mike Waltz—the Trump White House has taken bold action to restore public trust and operational security: they’re moving all communications to Snapchat.

“After careful consideration of what went wrong,” said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt while wearing the puppy-face filter during a press conference, “we realized the problem wasn’t what was said, but where it was said. So we’re transitioning to Snapchat, where messages vanish—and so does accountability.”

Leavitt clarifies: ‘Not war plans. Just intense pre-war brainstorming.’

Press Secretary Leavitt has continued to deny any wrongdoing. “What Pete sent wasn’t a war plan. It was just a collection of time-stamped locations for aircraft deployment, target lists, and strike sequencing. You know—concepts of a war plan.”

She added that most of the information was accompanied by emojis, which “should legally disqualify it from being called classified.”

Asked about CIA Director John Ratcliffe’s confirmation that the Signal chat was real and accurately reported, Leavitt posted a screenshot of her Notes app reading:

“FAKE NEWS by known Trump-hater JEFFREY GOLDBERG 👎👎 #WeLovePete #DeepStateIsSalty”

Reaction from allies and enemies mixed, mostly confused

British intelligence officials said they became concerned after receiving a Snap from Hegseth of a military convoy with the words “Rolling deep 😎🇺🇸🚀🔥.”

“The Americans used to send us encrypted cables,” said one senior British defense figure. “Now we get filtered footage of JD Vance lip-syncing to ‘Let the Bodies Hit the Floor’ with coordinates in the corner.”

Russia’s foreign ministry declined to comment, but their official TikTok account posted a cryptic video of Putin drinking tea while the song “Oops!… I Did It Again” played in the background.

Conclusion: Everything’s fine. Probably.

Leavitt closed the briefing by reminding reporters that “no actual classified material was ever shared—just the kinds of details that, in any other era, would have gotten someone court-martialed.”

She paused briefly before adding: “But you can’t court-martial a vibe. And that’s what this administration is all about.”