NATIONAL HARBOR, MD — In the wake of controversy over Steve Bannon’s extended-arm salute at CPAC, several prominent conservative organizations have issued statements clarifying that the gesture was definitely not a Nazi salute, and was more likely “a strong wave, a misunderstood fist pump, or possibly just a man reaching for liberty.”
Think Tanks Spring Into Action
Turning Point USA quickly issued a graphic titled “10 Totally Normal Things Steve Bannon Might Have Been Doing With His Arm.” The list included:
- Hailing a cab
- Reaching for the American dream
- Stretching after a long sermon
- Swatting at liberal tears
Their official statement read:
“We encourage all Americans to give strong, patriotic waves. If that wave happens to resemble authoritarian gestures from the 20th century, that’s purely coincidental and also kind of the point.”
Meanwhile, The Heritage Foundation hosted an emergency panel titled “Waving or Wokeness: When Salutes Get Canceled.” A senior fellow in optics strategy argued that Bannon was “visually affirming the verticality of freedom” and possibly blessing the thermostat.
“The only thing rising in that room was the temperature of conservative values,” the fellow said, while wearing cufflinks shaped like eagles holding pocket Constitutions.
A rogue Truth Social user posted, “What if… it’s just muscle memory from when America was great?” The post received 1.2 million likes and a retweet from Rudy Giuliani, who captioned it, “Can confirm.”
Meanwhile, the ADL Watches From the Balcony Like the Muppets
The Anti-Defamation League reiterated that the gesture was “deeply disturbing,” while quietly preparing for next week’s incident.
“We’ve stopped issuing full statements,” said an ADL spokesperson. “We now just send out a standard bingo card and circle whatever fits.”
