New features include Biden price comparisons, MAGA discounts, and “woke detection” alerts for imported goods.

SEATTLE, WA — In a stunning display of corporate flexibility and post-presidential people-pleasing, Amazon has announced a sweeping redesign of its user experience following a brief phone call between former President Donald Trump and company founder Jeff Bezos.

What began as a tense moment — with reports surfacing that Amazon might display tariff costs on product listings — quickly evolved into what insiders are calling “the most rapid patriotism pivot in e-commerce history.”

“Jeff Bezos was very nice. He was terrific. He solved the problem very quickly, and he did the right thing,” Trump told reporters Tuesday. “He’s a good guy now. Maybe the best. Honestly, he fixed Amazon. Huge win.”

Shortly after the call, Amazon rolled out a series of quiet but unmistakable changes — not just removing tariff visibility, but launching a full-scale MAGA-mode redesign.

Key Changes to Amazon’s Platform Now in Effect:

All product listings now include two prices:

• Biden Price – dramatically higher, in red, and crossed out with the label: “What you’d pay under globalist communism”
• Trump Price – highlighted in bold blue with a “Thanks to 45” tag

The old “2-day delivery” promise remains, but with added stipulations:

• Fastest delivery guaranteed for red states and bass boat zip codes
• California customers may experience “patriotism delays”

Every checkout now includes a pre-selected $1.45 donation:

• Labelled: “Support Free Trade Routes and American Sovereignty™”
• Unchecking it triggers a popup: “Are you sure you’re not a China sympathizer?”

Customers who:

• Verify MAGA hat ownership
• Upload a photo with Kid Rock
• Or correctly answer “What year was America Great?”

…receive a 10% discount on all tariff-impacted goods.

Users with over 80 “Patriot Points” unlock a secret clearance section:
“Deals the Fake News Doesn’t Want You to See.”

Imported items now include a color-coded alert:

• Green: Made in America by a dad in a flannel
• Yellow: Assembled offshore but not by communists
• Red: “Woke Warning — possibly linked to coastal universities or NPR listeners”

An internal Amazon memo, obtained by The Virtue Signal News, outlines the shift as a “brand alignment opportunity with America’s most vocal purchasing base.”

“President Trump expressed his concerns,” the memo reads, “and we took immediate action to preserve platform neutrality and suppress customer awareness of macroeconomic realities.”

Executives also noted a spike in customer satisfaction among “men named Ron” and “Facebook users who have commented ‘Amen’ on political memes.”

At a Florida press event, Trump praised the move:

“Bezos finally gets it. Now, when you buy an American flag bikini or a tactical meat thermometer, it gets there fast — and you know Biden had nothing to do with it.”

He added,

“We may put tariffs on Amazon next unless they deliver faster. That’s leverage, folks.”

The Virtue Signal News will monitor further changes, including a rumored feature where Alexa refuses to answer questions unless they’re “asked patriotically.”

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