Timothy, Author at The Virtue Signal

The Virtue Signal

Proudly displaying our moral superiority since last Tuesday.

Author: Timothy

Hulk Hogan prays over Donald Trump in the Oval Office, wearing a yellow “FaithMania” shirt and raising one hand while touching Trump’s shoulder. Trump's Faith Confirmed

Trump’s Faith Confirmed: He Now Believes in God Almost as Much as Himself, Sources Say

TimothyApril 18, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a series of carefully choreographed Easter events at the White House this week, Donald Trump shocked faith leaders across the nation by declaring that he now believes in God “more strongly than ever,” a commitment he says rivals his lifelong devotion to gold-plated toilets and five-star Yelp reviews of his own […]

"Official White House photo of President Donald Trump and President Nayib Bukele during a bilateral meeting."

We Asked Nicely, El Salvador Ghosted Us — What More Do You Want?

TimothyApril 15, 2025

After illegally deporting a U.S. resident, the Trump administration claims there’s simply nothing they can do to get him back — despite having previously declared the power to annex Canada, bend NATO to its will, and force Disney to rehire Gina Carano. WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise Oval Office meeting livestreamed on X (formerly known as Twitter), […]

BREAKING: Christians Now Officially Most Persecuted Group at State Department, Say Christians at State Department

TimothyApril 15, 2025

Trump Corrects: ‘Second Most Persecuted After Me WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a press briefing today, officials from the Trump administration’s newly established Task Force Against Anti-Christian Bias proudly announced that Christians have officially been named the most persecuted group at the State Department. The designation came after rigorous self-investigation, exhaustive internal polling, and several prayer breakfasts that […]

“A smiling man in a navy suit and red tie gives a thumbs-up while standing outside Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, symbolizing a triumphant return after a physical exam.”

Trump Declares Himself “Healthiest Human Ever” After Physical

TimothyApril 11, 2025

Official Medical Report Contains No Numbers WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump emerged from his annual physical exam at Walter Reed Medical Center Friday morning with what the White House is calling “the most magnificent health report ever issued for any human, living or dead.“ In a brief statement, the president announced: “I’m healthier than Lincoln, […]

“Robert F. Kennedy Jr. speaking at a White House press conference, visibly showing signs of measles, promoting the 'Catch It to Cure It' public health campaign.”

RFK Jr. Announces New National Health Strategy: “Catch It to Cure It!”

TimothyApril 9, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold pivot from decades of public health precedent, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. unveiled a groundbreaking new plan to combat America’s historic measles outbreak: “RFK Jr. Catch It to Cure It.” The initiative, dubbed RFK Jr. Catch It to Cure It, aims to reshape public perception of vaccination. […]

Pam Bondi stands at a press conference, introducing the satirical "Six Degrees of Deportation" rule.

Pam Bondi Unveils New ‘Six Degrees of Gang Association’ Deportation Guidelines

TimothyApril 7, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold new effort to expedite deportations, the Trump administration announced this week that traditional legal standards like “charges,” “evidence,” and “due process” are being replaced by a cutting-edge, vibes-based system. Attorney General Pam Bondi proudly unveiled the initiative, dubbed the Six Degrees of Gang Association Rule, during a joint press conference with […]

A young child smiling and holding half-assembled sneakers under a Temu "Made By You" banner promoting DIY product kits to avoid a tariff. Satire

Temu Launches Bold “Build It Yourself” Product Line to Bypass Tariffs

TimothyApril 7, 2025

How Toddlers Tackle Tariffs SHENZHEN, CHINA — In response to sweeping new tariffs imposed by the Trump administration, e-commerce giant Temu announced today a bold pivot: a full lineup of DIY (Do-It-Yourself) kits that allow customers to assemble their own products — thus avoiding costly import taxes. The initiative, branded “Made by You, For You,” promises customers “the same rock-bottom […]

“Donald Trump raising his fist while speaking at a rally, framed by a patriotic red, white, and blue backdrop, symbolizing his call for Americans to endure economic hardship following his new tariffs plan.”

Trump Declares Economic Collapse “Proof of Winning,” Urges Americans to “Hang Tough” Through Glorious Revolution

TimothyApril 5, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the stock market plummets, businesses close, and Americans contemplate a future rich in self-reliance but poor in consumer goods, President Trump today declared that economic suffering is actually a sign of historic success and called on citizens to “hang tough” through the “Great MAGA Revolution.” Standing in front of a newly printed banner reading “SHORT-TERM […]

Pastor Robert Jeffress preaching behind a pulpit, holding a sword, with a determined and slightly angry expression

Jeffress Hails Jesus’ Second Coming: “He Won’t Forget the Swords This Time”

TimothyApril 5, 2025

DALLAS, TX — Pastor Robert Jeffress, leader of First Baptist Dallas and spiritual advisor to former President Trump, announced on Sunday a bold new interpretation of the Second Coming of Christ: less grace, more capital punishment. Speaking to a packed congregation waving miniature American flags, Jeffress unveiled his new sermon series, Blessed Are the Executioners: Preparing for the […]

“Four Emperor penguins standing on an icy landscape, each holding protest signs against U.S. tariffs, symbolizing a satirical response to global trade policies impacting remote islands.”

Penguins Plunge Into Panic as Trump Tariffs Hit Remote Islands

TimothyApril 4, 2025

HEARD ISLAND, ANTARCTICA REGION — In a stunning escalation of global economic chaos, penguins from the remote Heard Island and McDonald Islands have convened an emergency summit after learning they are now subject to U.S. tariffs. The move, announced from the Rose Garden by President Trump on Wednesday, sent shockwaves through the avian community, many of […]