The Virtue Signal

Proudly displaying our moral superiority since last Tuesday.

Author: Timothy

Satirical podcast cover image of Albert Mohler seated in a suit, next to a microphone logo and the title ‘The Bending: Abandoning Convictions with Pragmaticism.’

Al Mohler Rebrands ‘The Briefing’ podcast as ‘The Bending’ to Better Reflect Evolving Values

TimothyApril 2, 2025
LOUISVILLE, KY — In a move that surprised approximately no one who’s been paying attention since 2016, Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and host of the once-hardline theological podcast The Briefing, has officially rebranded his show as “The Bending: Biblical Clarity for Morally Flexible Times.” Speaking from a well-appointed library built on centuries of […]
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Steve Bannon on stage mid-speech, arm raised in a controversial gesture, while Turning Point USA and Heritage Foundation members nearby hold signs offering excuses like “Reaching for Liberty” and “Waving at Freedom.”

Conservative Leaders Defend Bannon’s Salute: ‘Could’ve Been a Wave, Could’ve Been a Very Enthusiastic High Five’

TimothyApril 1, 2025
NATIONAL HARBOR, MD — In the wake of controversy over Steve Bannon’s extended-arm salute at CPAC, several prominent conservative organizations have issued statements clarifying that the gesture was definitely not a Nazi salute, and was more likely “a strong wave, a misunderstood fist pump, or possibly just a man reaching for liberty.” Bannon, who concluded his speech with […]
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Self Deport Rewards Crossings this week 8 2 until next reward

New ‘Self-Deport’ App Offers Loyalty Points for Frequent Deporters

TimothyApril 1, 2025
In an effort to modernize border enforcement and “save taxpayers billions,” the Trump administration has rolled out a loyalty rewards program within its recently launched “Self-Deport” app — offering incentives to undocumented immigrants who voluntarily leave the country. According to administration officials, the goal is simple: streamline deportation by encouraging users to “take the easy way out” — and earn points while […]
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timnoose Serious depiction of Morgan Freeman playing God at a 17e04770 1934 4427 9e6e bc7a17f00dd1 1

Divine Autopen: God Reveals He Never Personally Signed Off on Christian Nationalism

TimothyApril 1, 2025
In a stunning announcement from Heaven this morning, God convened an emergency press conference to clarify a critical issue: He never personally signed off on “Christian nationalism.” “Look, I authorized the use of my divine autopen for routine matters—sunsets, puppies, avocados, occasional minor miracles—but I definitely didn’t give permission to attach my signature to political […]
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‘Commandment of the Week’ Program Launches to Ease Kentucky Into Moral Clarity

TimothyApril 1, 2025
FRANKFORT, KY — In an effort to help residents better engage with the recently reinstalled Ten Commandments monument on Capitol grounds, Kentucky lawmakers have unveiled a new initiative called “Commandment of the Week,” a bold moral calendar that promises to bring slow, measurable holiness to the Bluegrass State. Starting Monday, residents will be encouraged — but […]
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“Welcome home Greenland!” Trump Declares

TimothyApril 1, 2025
“Welcome home Greenland!” Trump Declares WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold escalation of his years-long obsession with Greenland, President Trump today unveiled a multi-pronged “Greenland Acquisition Strategy” that includes updated school maps, collectible NFTs, and a brand-new “frequent visitor” rewards program for locals. “We’re not invading Greenland,” Trump clarified in a Truth Social post. “We’re welcoming […]
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Christian Studio Remakes The Chosen Using PureFlix Budget and Local Church Volunteers to ‘Make It Relatable Again’

TimothyApril 1, 2025
HOLLYWOOD, CA — In a surprising strategic pivot, the production team behind The Chosen is reportedly considering lowering the show’s production value in order to better appeal to its original target demographic: American Christians. After gaining widespread acclaim—even from atheists, agnostics, and former spell-casting witches—studio executives began to worry that The Chosen might have become too good. “We just never […]
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In Wake of Leaked War Plans, Trump Administration Moves to Snapchat for ‘Maximum Security and Maximum Vibes

TimothyApril 1, 2025
Leavitt: ‘No classified info was shared. Just, like, vibes. Maybe a launch code or two.’ WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following explosive revelations that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth shared detailed military strike plans in a Signal group chat—alongside Vice President JD Vance, Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard, and National Security Adviser Mike Waltz—the Trump White House has […]
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Franklin Graham standing outside a humanitarian tent, holding paperwork with a faint American flag in the background. The setting reflects aid work and political alignment.

Trump’s Foreign Aid Freeze Finds One Exception: People Who Publicly Pray for Him

TimothyApril 1, 2025
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After placing a dramatic 90-day freeze on nearly all U.S. foreign aid programs, President Trump has made just one high-profile exception: a $19 million reimbursement to Samaritan’s Purse, the evangelical relief organization led by longtime supporter and occasional White House prayer leader Franklin Graham. The pause, which Trump said was necessary “to shake things up […]
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Photorealistic image of a professional woman in an office holding a “Coexist” coffee mug, looking horrified.

BREAKING: Christians Now Officially Most Persecuted Group at State Department, Say Christians at State Department

April 15, 2025
Trump Corrects: ‘Second Most Persecuted After Me WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a press briefing today, officials from the Trump administration’s newly established Task Force Against Anti-Christian Bias proudly announced that Christians have officially been named the most persecuted group at the State Department. The designation came after rigorous self-investigation, exhaustive internal polling, and several prayer breakfasts that […]

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