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Hulk Hogan prays over Donald Trump in the Oval Office, wearing a yellow “FaithMania” shirt and raising one hand while touching Trump’s shoulder. Trump's Faith Confirmed

Trump’s Faith Confirmed: He Now Believes in God Almost as Much as Himself, Sources Say

TimothyApril 18, 2025
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a series of carefully choreographed Easter events at the White House this week, Donald Trump shocked faith leaders across the nation by declaring that he now believes in God “more strongly than ever,” a commitment he says rivals his lifelong devotion to gold-plated toilets and five-star Yelp reviews of his own […]
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Pam Bondi stands at a press conference, introducing the satirical "Six Degrees of Deportation" rule.

Pam Bondi Unveils New ‘Six Degrees of Gang Association’ Deportation Guidelines

TimothyApril 7, 2025
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold new effort to expedite deportations, the Trump administration announced this week that traditional legal standards like “charges,” “evidence,” and “due process” are being replaced by a cutting-edge, vibes-based system. Attorney General Pam Bondi proudly unveiled the initiative, dubbed the Six Degrees of Gang Association Rule, during a joint press conference with […]
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A young child smiling and holding half-assembled sneakers under a Temu "Made By You" banner promoting DIY product kits to avoid a tariff. Satire

Temu Launches Bold “Build It Yourself” Product Line to Bypass Tariffs

TimothyApril 7, 2025
How Toddlers Tackle Tariffs SHENZHEN, CHINA — In response to sweeping new tariffs imposed by the Trump administration, e-commerce giant Temu announced today a bold pivot: a full lineup of DIY (Do-It-Yourself) kits that allow customers to assemble their own products — thus avoiding costly import taxes. The initiative, branded “Made by You, For You,” promises customers “the same rock-bottom […]
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“Donald Trump raising his fist while speaking at a rally, framed by a patriotic red, white, and blue backdrop, symbolizing his call for Americans to endure economic hardship following his new tariffs plan.”

Trump Declares Economic Collapse “Proof of Winning,” Urges Americans to “Hang Tough” Through Glorious Revolution

TimothyApril 5, 2025
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the stock market plummets, businesses close, and Americans contemplate a future rich in self-reliance but poor in consumer goods, President Trump today declared that economic suffering is actually a sign of historic success and called on citizens to “hang tough” through the “Great MAGA Revolution.” Standing in front of a newly printed banner reading “SHORT-TERM […]
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Satirical podcast cover image of Albert Mohler seated in a suit, next to a microphone logo and the title ‘The Bending: Abandoning Convictions with Pragmaticism.’

Al Mohler Rebrands ‘The Briefing’ podcast as ‘The Bending’ to Better Reflect Evolving Values

TimothyApril 2, 2025
LOUISVILLE, KY — In a move that surprised approximately no one who’s been paying attention since 2016, Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and host of the once-hardline theological podcast The Briefing, has officially rebranded his show as “The Bending: Biblical Clarity for Morally Flexible Times.” Speaking from a well-appointed library built on centuries of […]
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timnoose Serious depiction of Morgan Freeman playing God at a 17e04770 1934 4427 9e6e bc7a17f00dd1 1

Divine Autopen: God Reveals He Never Personally Signed Off on Christian Nationalism

TimothyApril 1, 2025
In a stunning announcement from Heaven this morning, God convened an emergency press conference to clarify a critical issue: He never personally signed off on “Christian nationalism.” “Look, I authorized the use of my divine autopen for routine matters—sunsets, puppies, avocados, occasional minor miracles—but I definitely didn’t give permission to attach my signature to political […]
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Photorealistic image of a professional woman in an office holding a “Coexist” coffee mug, looking horrified.

BREAKING: Christians Now Officially Most Persecuted Group at State Department, Say Christians at State Department

April 15, 2025
Trump Corrects: ‘Second Most Persecuted After Me WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a press briefing today, officials from the Trump administration’s newly established Task Force Against Anti-Christian Bias proudly announced that Christians have officially been named the most persecuted group at the State Department. The designation came after rigorous self-investigation, exhaustive internal polling, and several prayer breakfasts that […]

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