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Trump Unveils ‘Apprentice: Oval Office,’ Plans to Win Presidency by Firing the Winner

PALM BEACH, FL — In a move that combines political ambition with premium streaming content, President Donald Trump has announced the launch of The Apprentice: Oval Office — a new reality show competition designed to produce a technical president who will immediately step aside, allowing Trump to return for an unprecedented third term. “I’m not saying I’ll be […]

I am His (and So is America): A Worship Playlist for Christian Nationalists

Do you believe America is a covenant nation divinely ordained to be a theocracy with tasteful wood paneling? Do you think the Beatitudes should be replaced with the Bill of Rights (but just the first two)? Then we’ve got the playlist for your soul and voting booth. Whether you’re sipping small-batch sweet tea in a Hobby […]

If It’s Not Red, White, or Blue — It’s 25% More: Trump Urges Americans to Embrace the Holy Pain of Patriotism

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump reassured Americans this week that the rising cost of cars, groceries, and every product not manufactured in a shed behind a Cracker Barrel is not a crisis — but a sacrifice to the greater good of economic nationalism. “If you’re paying more, you’re doing it right,” said Trump in an interview from […]

Judge Narrows Case to One Surviving Tweet: SBC Braces for Trial of the Century

NASHVILLE, TN — In a move surprising to absolutely no one who’s been paying attention, the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) announced this week that it is suspending all future abuse reform initiatives in order to “channel full denominational energy” into defending itself in the defamation lawsuit filed by former SBC president Johnny Hunt. Despite a federal judge dismissing […]

Trump’s Faith Confirmed: He Now Believes in God Almost as Much as Himself, Sources Say

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a series of carefully choreographed Easter events at the White House this week, Donald Trump shocked faith leaders across the nation by declaring that he now believes in God “more strongly than ever,” a commitment he says rivals his lifelong devotion to gold-plated toilets and five-star Yelp reviews of his own […]

"Official White House photo of President Donald Trump and President Nayib Bukele during a bilateral meeting."

We Asked Nicely, El Salvador Ghosted Us — What More Do You Want?

April 15, 2025

After illegally deporting a U.S. resident, the Trump administration claims there’s simply nothing they can do to get him back — despite having previously declared the power to annex Canada, bend NATO to its will, and force Disney to rehire Gina Carano. WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise Oval Office meeting livestreamed on X (formerly known as Twitter), […]

Photorealistic image of a professional woman in an office holding a “Coexist” coffee mug, looking horrified.

BREAKING: Christians Now Officially Most Persecuted Group at State Department, Say Christians at State Department

April 15, 2025

Trump Corrects: ‘Second Most Persecuted After Me WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a press briefing today, officials from the Trump administration’s newly established Task Force Against Anti-Christian Bias proudly announced that Christians have officially been named the most persecuted group at the State Department. The designation came after rigorous self-investigation, exhaustive internal polling, and several prayer breakfasts that […]

“A smiling man in a navy suit and red tie gives a thumbs-up while standing outside Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, symbolizing a triumphant return after a physical exam.”

Trump Declares Himself “Healthiest Human Ever” After Physical

April 11, 2025

Official Medical Report Contains No Numbers WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump emerged from his annual physical exam at Walter Reed Medical Center Friday morning with what the White House is calling “the most magnificent health report ever issued for any human, living or dead.“ In a brief statement, the president announced: “I’m healthier than Lincoln, […]

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Category: Featured

Trump Unveils ‘Apprentice: Oval Office,’ Plans to Win Presidency by Firing the Winner

I am His (and So is America): A Worship Playlist for Christian Nationalists

If It’s Not Red, White, or Blue — It’s 25% More: Trump Urges Americans to Embrace the Holy Pain of Patriotism

Judge Narrows Case to One Surviving Tweet: SBC Braces for Trial of the Century

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Trump’s Faith Confirmed: He Now Believes in God Almost as Much as Himself, Sources Say

We Asked Nicely, El Salvador Ghosted Us — What More Do You Want?

BREAKING: Christians Now Officially Most Persecuted Group at State Department, Say Christians at State Department

Trump Declares Himself “Healthiest Human Ever” After Physical

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Trump’s Faith Confirmed: He Now Believes in God Almost as Much as Himself, Sources Say

We Asked Nicely, El Salvador Ghosted Us — What More Do You Want?

BREAKING: Christians Now Officially Most Persecuted Group at State Department, Say Christians at State Department

Trump Declares Himself “Healthiest Human Ever” After Physical

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Trump’s Faith Confirmed: He Now Believes in God Almost as Much as Himself, Sources Say

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