Critics question accuracy of the CPAC poll after it’s revealed that the only disapproving attendee was a misplaced janitor from the anime convention next door.

WASHINGTON, DC—In an exuberant series of posts on Truth Social early Saturday, former President Donald Trump proudly declared an unprecedented 99% approval rating among “highly respected imaginary voters,” a demographic pollsters claim Trump has absolutely cornered.

“These voters are the smartest, most patriotic, totally real Americans,” Trump boasted. “Not like the fake voters polled by Fake News. Sad!”

Trump’s announcement was accompanied by graphs showing overwhelming support from groups identified as “Dream-Americans,” “Pretend Patriots,” and “Folks I’ve Definitely Met Who Totally Exist,” eclipsing his real-world approval rating of 45.3%, as reported by actual pollsters.

When asked for comment, Trump’s new campaign manager, a crudely drawn stick figure named Patriot Pete, noted enthusiastically, “President Trump’s ratings among voters you can’t technically find or speak to is off the charts. Literally. We had to draw new charts.”

RealClearPolitics analyst Jennifer Caldwell confirmed the remarkable numbers. “We’ve never seen a candidate perform this well among fictitious demographics. Trump’s strategy to focus on voters that can’t vote may revolutionize electoral politics.”

In response to skepticism, Trump’s campaign released a second poll, showing that 99% of CPAC attendees approve of polls showing Trump at 99%. The remaining 1% were dismissed as “math sympathizers.”

“Frankly, the number should’ve been 100,” Trump wrote. “But we had one person in the back who refused to stand — probably Antifa. Very rude.”

When asked about RealClearPolitics’ current average showing Trump at 45.3% approval, Trump surrogate Kayleigh McEnany suggested the site “might be owned by Soros,” adding:

“Polls should reflect the energy in the room, not the opinions of people who aren’t at CPAC. That’s like asking someone who hasn’t eaten Arby’s to rate the curly fries.”

Critics argued Trump’s poll was misleading, citing the lack of verifiable participants. Trump swiftly dismissed these criticisms, tweeting, “Critics? They’re just jealous imaginary voters won’t support them. Believe me, I’ve asked. Zero support! Sad!”