Proudly displaying our moral superiority since last Tuesday!
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Seven patriotic “meals” designed to help the average family thrive on $11 and nationalism.
““Freedom costs nothing at checkout—unless you count the new tariff on peanut butter.”
— Virtue Signal Test Kitchen Director, Aunt Libby
America’s cupboards are under siege. Imported staples now cost more than a streaming subscription, and avocados have begun arriving with tiny “luxury item” stickers. Fear not! Our Lifestyle Desk has whipped up a week of affordably patriotic dishes so your family can keep waving the flag—no matter what the grocery index or China does next.
Ingredients:
Method: Whisk powder and water until the mixture achieves “Runny Bald Eagle” yellow. Dunk bread; fry on an un-greased pan while reciting the Pledge. Syrup optional; victory inevitable.
Money-Saving Tip: Replace cinnamon with aggressive optimism.
Flash-sear the cubes until they hiss like bald eagles, then assemble. Garnish with tiny hand-drawn American flags so the kids feel bipartisan pride.
Because nothing says independence like renaming everything: Bread Spam cubes, dunk in pancake-mix batter, air-fry. Serve atop microwaved rice from that one Made in Arkansas brand you’re still allowed to buy.
“If you squint hard enough, trade wars taste like sesame.”–Aunt Libby
Entertainment meets hors d’oeuvre! Hand each dinner guest a baby-food jar half-filled with bargain-bin cream. Shake vigorously for two hours—or until the conversation turns to gold-standard economics—whichever comes first.
Serving suggestion: spread on “Freedom Toast,” or use as furniture polish when dinner’s over.
Blend until the texture says “cohesive foreign-policy strategy.” Pour into red Solo cups for symbolism; garnish with a mini harbor-scene toothpick.
Dump every red-and-white canned product you own (beets, potatoes, condensed tomato soup) onto rimmed sheet. Arrange frozen corn kernels into 50-ish star shapes. Broil until edges darken like the threat section of a security briefing.
Pair with a side of “Fiscal Cliff Pudding” (instant mix, water only).
…but if the children riot: a single marshmallow, quartered, gently kissed by a Bic lighter. Serve on one Ritz cracker. Freedom never tasted so… toasted.
| Printables | Why You Need Them |
|---|---|
| “Live, Laugh, Ration” Meal Calendar | Slots like Meat-Lite Monday & WTO-O-Tacos Wednesday keep morale high—even when protein is low. |
| Pantry Loyalty Punch-Card | Buy 10 cans of store-brand beans, win a coupon for one free whiff of imported coffee. |
| QR Code: “Is My Grocery Treasonous?” | Scan any barcode; we’ll tell you if the tomato is secretly a socialist. |
Remember: every tariff is a tax you pay in the currency of character. So tape this article to the fridge, salute your pantry, and dig in. Tomorrow’s dinner may look suspiciously like today’s—but hey, leftovers are just yesterday’s patriotism, reheated.
Stay ration-chic, friends. More @VirtueSignalNews.
