📍WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a powerful moment of carefully curated revival, worship leader and flow-state activist Sean Feucht declared the White House a “House of Prayer” this week after performing a 45-minute set in the Rose Garden featuring fog machines, Bethel crescendos, and an entire bridge dedicated to low taxes.

“Jesus is Lord over America!” Feucht shouted to a crowd of senior advisors, unpaid interns, and at least one confused landscaping crew. “The King is here!”

White House staffers later clarified, “Yes, spiritually. But functionally, Mr. Trump is still in charge of national security, tariffs, and all nuclear codes.”

Before taking the stage, Feucht met with the newly formed Worship Setlist Oversight Task Force, chaired by Stephen Miller and a Hillsong intern with a theology minor from Liberty University. Songs were reportedly screened for “melodic strength, theological vagueness, and MAGA compatibility.”

The approved worship setlist included:

“Reckless Love” (rejected for sounding “too socialist”)

“Way Maker (But Not for Asylum Seekers)”
You are here, moving in this place — unless this place is a port of entry.

“Firm Foundation (Except Climate Science)”
I put my faith in Jesus… and deregulation.

“Make Room (But Not for Refugees)”
Do whatever you want to… just not in our zip code.

“Open Up the Gates (Unless You’re From Venezuela)”
Let the King of Glory in — background check required.

“Break Every Chain (Except IRS Audits)”

“This Is a Move (Against Woke Corporations)”

As the worship intensified, Feucht’s team captured the anointing from six angles using drones and three TikTok interns named Brayleigh. The presence of God was said to “descend like a dove,” though some claim it was just a MAGA balloon caught in the wind.

Feucht later posted, “You can’t cancel revival!🔥🇺🇸” on Instagram, tagging @realDonaldTrump and using hashtags like #AltaredStates and #PraiseOverPolicy.

In response, the White House communications director noted that “Jesus was trending briefly on Twitter, but was quickly overtaken by ‘gas prices’ and ‘Gutfeld.’”

Following the event, anonymous sources confirmed that Feucht had “invited Jesus to be enthroned over the administration,” and by late afternoon, Jesus was officially added to the Cabinet agenda.

“We welcome the Lord to our briefings,” one aide said. “He mostly just sits quietly, looks disappointed, and occasionally mutters something about camels and needles.”

Feucht closed the set by blowing a shofar while two bald eagles flew overhead and an intern wheeled out a podium for him to plug his new nonprofit, Weapons of Worship™, Inc., which sells signature tambourines, camo devotionals, and limited-edition anointing oil infused with Reagan-era optimism.

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