Proudly displaying our moral superiority since last Tuesday!
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what officials are calling “the most open government moment since C-SPAN discovered tripods,” President Trump’s staff this morning wheeled the press corps onto the South Lawn—directly beneath the shimmering fuselage of a $400 million Boeing 747-8 just donated by Qatar’s royal family—to announce the administration’s commitment to “full transparency” regarding the gift.
“Any gift from a foreign government is always accepted in strict compliance with all applicable laws,” Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt assured reporters, adding that “parking it where everyone can see it felt easier than sneaking it into the Rose Garden.”
Beginning tomorrow, Leavitt said, she will host twice-daily press gaggles beneath the starboard wing “so Americans can literally stand in the shade of our transparency.” A White House aide distributed a 40,312-page PDF itemizing every 24-karat seat-belt buckle and gold-plated cup-holder on board; everything labeled “communications equipment” was, for national-security reasons, fully redacted.
Meanwhile, the administration has installed a 24/7 Jet-Cam on the WhiteHouse.gov homepage so citizens may “watch taxpayer accountability in real time—plus occasional Marine One photobombs.”
Constitutional scholars note that presidents are generally forbidden from accepting extravagant foreign gifts without congressional approval under the Emoluments Clause, a detail the White House dismissed as “red-tape opacity.” One administration lawyer suggested Congress could simply “Venmo $20” to cover the jet’s appraised value, “which, when adjusted for MAGA inflation, is practically nothing.”
Diplomatic insiders say the gift sprang from Qatar’s new Defense-Department punch-card: establish three U.S. bases in Doha, and the fourth base comes with free private aviation upgrades. An unnamed Qatari official beamed, “Only two more aircraft carriers and the Americans unlock a complimentary moon base.”
To counterbalance the plane’s carbon footprint, staffers promise to tweet the word transparent 10,000 times—“which according to our social-media intern counts as planting 14.6 virtual trees,” Leavitt explained.
If ethics watchdogs manage to ground the jet, the President vows to out-spend everyone just to prove no one values transparency more than he does. “Heck,” Trump told reporters while gesturing proudly at the gleaming behemoth, “I’ll hold the next cabinet meeting in coach so America can see we’ve got nothing to hide—except maybe the classified stuff in First Class.”
Virtue Signal News will stream tomorrow’s inaugural “See-Through Jet Tour” live, pending FAA approval and available sunscreen.
