BOISE, IDAHO – In a new chapter of spiritual warfare gone hilariously awry, Lance Wallnau—prominent advocate for Christian nationalism and self-proclaimed divine strategist—recently announced his latest weapon against judicial activism: precision-guided “Prayer Drone Strikes.”

“These drones will deliver laser-targeted prayers directly over the homes of activist Supreme Court justices,” Wallnau confidently announced on his popular livestream. “If liberals can weaponize technology, the Kingdom of Heaven will respond with holy drone warfare!”

Yet, Wallnau’s ambitious spiritual assault faced an immediate, embarrassing glitch. Instead of targeting Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts’ Washington D.C. residence, Wallnau’s “Prayer Drones” mistakenly zeroed in on the home of an unrelated Roberts family—Bob Roberts, a plumber from Boise, Idaho.

Awakened by what Bob Roberts described as “angelic chants and tiny buzzing propellers” at 3 AM, the family experienced a rapid, unexpected spiritual awakening.

“I looked outside, and glowing drones were circling our house,” said Roberts. “Suddenly, I was overcome by this strange urge—to love my neighbors and help refugees. Honestly, it was terrifyingly transformative.”

By sunrise, the Roberts family had donated their savings to refugee-support charities, organized neighborhood outreach, and even held a bake sale to raise funds for local migrant families.

Wallnau’s Double Disappointment

Wallnau quickly responded, expressing frustration not only at the drone targeting error but also at the nature of Roberts’ transformation.

“We intended a righteous conversion, the kind that mobilizes you to storm strongholds—literal and figurative,” Wallnau explained. “Instead, this unfortunate error turned him into one of those ‘feed the hungry, clothe the naked’ types who take Jesus’ words dangerously seriously. It’s frankly alarming.”

Jeremiah “TechnoProphet” Wilson, Wallnau’s technical director, cited a malfunctioning “Holy GPS” as the reason behind the targeting mishap. “We’re recalibrating the divine frequencies to ensure our drones reach the right Roberts household next time,” Wilson said apologetically.

Conservative Backlash: “Woke Spiritual Warfare”

The incident drew immediate fire from conservative groups usually supportive of Wallnau’s initiatives. The Fundamentalist Guardians of Orthodoxy released a sharp rebuke, labeling the drone mishap as “woke spiritual warfare” and “theological malpractice.”

Pastor Gerald Flank, head of the group, issued a statement: “Prayer drones sound uncomfortably close to New Age spiritualism. What’s next—holy yoga retreats and prayerful meditation circles?”

Undeterred and Upgrading

Despite the criticism, Wallnau remains undaunted. “Next time, the precision of our holy targeting system will match the fervency of our spiritual mission,” he pledged, revealing his next-generation drone, the “AngelStrike X-3000.”

Meanwhile, back in Boise, Bob Roberts reflects on his newfound faith with bemused clarity: “I didn’t know I was a target for spiritual warfare, but here we are. Jesus said to love your neighbor, not declare war on judges. It’s funny how clear that became after being buzzed by prayer drones.”